Monthly Archives: May 2015

I KNOW

IMG_1418

Have you ever needed to be reminded of something?

Goodness, I tell at least 10 people everyday, either text me or email me or I will forget.

This past week was a reminder of how good the Lord has been to me.

It started out awful. Painful. Sad memories. A date I hope will soon be a day just like any other. Not the reminder of that….

I received some news this week concerning finances. Not good news. God seems to be hammering this point out in my life. I’ve felt it coming.

I began a few months ago, planning to take steps to not be reliant anymore.

It seemed every direction I turned, the door would close.

I know things need to be different.

But what if doors keep closing? Big decisions are looming. As any bad news hits, it sends me into a panic.

Causes me to look forward in fear. Worry. The key is looking forward. I can’t. It overwhelms me. Causes me to be hopeless.  Causes me to wake wide eyed and heart racing. It almost leads to inaction. Almost. There is just enough fight left, I can’t give up. That’s not in me. Giving up.

One of the things God and I talked about was the fact I wasn’t sure He knew. And What He was going to do about it. I had no more answers.

When I need to process, I withdraw. I clean. I do laundry. I stay off my phone. Focus. Process. Pray.

As I prayed Thursday night(while I was scrubbing the toilet), I told Him I needed to know He knew. I headed to bed tired, emotionally drained, and empty.

I woke on Friday morning.  Just as I was leaving for work, I briefly checked Facebook. Imagine my surprise, when the first thing I saw was my friend Crystal’s blog post.  No surprise really, I read it everyday. But Friday was different. It was about meeting me. How our friendship began a year ago. I had to reapply make-up before leaving for school.

It was the first “I Know” moment of my day.

My sweet friend Kristyn texted me and said, “Love you sweet friend! Happy Friday!”  30 minutes later at 8:30am she texted and asked how could she pray for me.

My response:

“That I continually hear ‘I know’ from the Lord.”

End of conversation. Didn’t think twice about it again.

I had volunteered for the women’s conference Friday night and Saturday morning.The Conference theme was Love Revolution.

I was on the prayer team.

I was sitting with a group of our young adult ladies. Bianca Oltoff was our last speaker of the night. I’ve heard her speak once before and she is amazing!! I was not expecting to really “hear” anything that night because quite frankly my mind was somewhere else.

Let me say something here, isn’t true when we need to have an “I know”moment, He lavishes His love on us. Yeah, I didn’t make the connection, because of where my mind was.

If you know me at all, I take notes. Lots of notes. I wasn’t writing at all.

Bianca was maybe 15 minutes from being done, when she spelled out the word KNOW.  Stunned, I sat there, hanging on her next words.

He knows…she said.  You need to hear this, from Him…”I Know!”

Ok, let’s go there…one more time, just for good measure….Toni are you listening? “HE KNOWS!”

3 times and S.P.E.L.L.E.D.  O.U.T. of all things!!

I’m postitive there were more statements in between the “I knows”, but if I’m telling the truth here….that’s all I heard.

Specifically for me.

After she finished, my small group of leaders, Libba and I mentor, were honored to take Bianca to dinner. As Libba and I were driving there, I was grateful for the few minutes alone to share what the Lord had spoken to me. She told me I needed to share with her at dinner.

I need you to hear this, I did not ask the Lord for an answer. Not sure why,  but I just needed to know that He knew. That’s all.

I shared my story with Bianca at dinner. She graciously listened and as I had big tears in my eyes, she said, “I spelled it out for you!” Yes, you did….. I thanked her for being the deliverer of the message.

I was feeling a little bit like Joshua in the OT. Apparently the leader of the Israelite army needed to be be told 3 times, to be strong and courageous in the first chapter alone. Only God didn’t have to spell it out to him.

Blonde hair. The only reason I can fathom He needed it spelled out for me! ( I don’t need to explain this, right? If I do, then check your hair color.)

He knows whatever you think He doesn’t.

God has been so merciful to me and poured His Love all over me the entire weekend. In so many ways, that have blown me away.

I went to bed early Saturday night. I was in bed when I heard the front door open. It was Taylor and Jordan coming by to check on me. Brought me a very sweet card to encourage me. I cried.

Sunday brought a bridal shower and a sports award banquet.

I was up about to present the Fighting Heart Award. As I began to talk about this young man, I started to cry. I stood there with tears streaming down my face, he walked across the room, stood right next to me and put his arm around me. What 15 year old young man does this?

I have to be honest and say I just felt like God was letting me KNOW once again.

I don’t have an answer still, but I’m certain to my core, He knows.

I’m not sure what it is you need to know today. Maybe, you need some confirmation on what your next steps are, maybe some rumors that have haunted you need to be put to rest, maybe you need restoration with a spouse, child, or parent. That anger in you that you’ve been done wrong and the pain is more than you can bear. He knows.

Please hear this from Him: “I know!

God will indeed fight for you, you need only be still. Exodus 14.14

Nothing left for you to do, except hear Him say“I Know.”

Who do you need to walk across the room and put your arm around?

Who today needs to be “seen” by you with no words spoken?

I double dog dare you to let someone KNOW you are there.