Not an Afterthought

Toni Thrash Not An Afterthought

I don’t like to be an you?

Many of us seem to have had a scene unfold in our lives where we feel exactly like….an afterthought.

I know it strikes a chord with me. There have been instances in my life whether in a job, my personal life with my family, or in friendships I’ve been put into that category.

Being in a category simply means there’s a 50-50 chance you will be picked. Like the last person picked for a game, “give it to mikey, he will eat anything” or the last resort for filling a position at work.

We have all been there and hate the feelings it brings, and yet, sometimes we don’t even realize that’s what we are/were at the time, because we were simply overjoyed we were picked. The feelings come later and embarrass us to the point of vowing to not let it happen again. But we do… we can’t seem to help it. It simply happens and we let it happen to us over and over in almost every situation we face.

The reason; we don’t feel worth. We believe in our abilities and talents about like we believe in Santa Clause. We don’t.

We don’t stand up for ourselves because we believe we don’t matter. I see this in other people and I want so much for them to feel worth and to know how incredibly special they are not just to God but to us. We all know someone who fits the bill on this. Heck, I fit the bill. I am so unaware sometimes that I have prostituted myself because I hold such little value for myself. (Prostitution-the unworthy or corrupt use of one’s talents for the sake of personal or financial gain.)

See what I mean??

Wondering why we sell ourselves to something less than Gods best.  Other peoples opinion, to keep the peace, to please someone else? We sell ourselves into modern day slavery and wonder how in the world did I get here? Other peoples control, desires and rules… I’ve certainly done it. You? How do we break free? By allowing the Holy Spirit to break each link in the chains that bind us. Once each link is broken, there is absolutely nothing to wrap around us anymore. It’s no longer a chain, but a mountain of broken links that we can sweep up and throw away. And in the brokenness, that’s where the real healing starts.

It’s almost the equivalent to settling for something that is not even close to the best for you. It’s letting someone or something control you at any expense. Usually to our own personal detriment. We don’t know any better. We simply take the abuse and the power struggle, feeling there will never be an escape. I’m not worth it, I don’t deserve to be fully loved and adored by anyone. It’s how we feel on the inside; RAW, in a pit with a rattlesnake. We are too beaten down to even try to get out, so we just keep getting bitten. Finally, we reach a point, maybe anger, maybe depression, sadness, or all three and then some, and we realize we have allowed this to happen to ourselves and it makes us physically sick. ( I would like to think we are like the HULK in the Avengers movie where he takes Lokey and uses him as a rag doll to beat that snake to death) I wish we were there. We aren’t even close, in the same vicinity as close(Jerry McGuire quote) to having the energy to do so.

I’m not there.

This is what we are about. Helping you see how gifted and talented you are and the price HE paid was because you are worth it. Present… now…this day..this minute.. this second.

You have immeasurable worth..the trick is starting to believe it.

This was a turning point for me when I went through Tres Dias in April of 2014. My worth in the midst of going through a divorce and finding myself alone. God used Vicki to remind me of that. To show me.

It has been a reoccurring  theme now for the last 4 months and continues to be solidified every day. It brings me to tears. I’m starting to no longer feel like an after thought.

Oh, I will have days and we can walk through those together.

But right now, this minute, I believe that God has an open stage for me to walk on and there He is clapping for me, warming me in the warmth of HIS worth.

7 thoughts on “Not an Afterthought

  1. Yes, yes and yes!!! You are on the right track and it sounds like we have similar testimonies. When God brings you out of a dead place, TRUST HIM! You are not an after thought. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Love this quote: “Wondering why we sell ourselves to something less than Gods best. Other peoples opinion, to keep the peace, to please someone else?”
    So very true- how many times have I done this? Can’t even count. And the comparison with being in a pit with a rattler- so vivid and honest.
    Your journey is instructive- a description of the only way I’ve seen God heal me- you have to face the past, the present and the patterns of thought
    in the light of God’s truth, which is so painful. But then His grace comes in to hold and heal and restore. Your title, Not an Afterthought, oh how gut wrenching that you would ever describe yourself as an afterthought, it brings tears to my eyes.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You’re never an afterthought to me my dear friend and your willingness to help God walk me through this journey only speaks to the goodness of your heart. I always thought I was totally in control of myself and my heart but a joke was played on me I know better. I’m learning to open my heart to the Holy Spirit and let them in so that I can be the person I used to and know I can be now. Thank you for giving it a name so that I can now push myself through this so I can love myself again. May God bless you and give you all the strength you need to get through your journey and remember I’m walking alongside you also


  4. The idea of God clapping ‘for me’. Hmmm. Never thought of that. Thank you 🙂 Now there is the ultimate answer to feeling like an afterthought. God never saw you as such. He created you with much thought and intricate detail. You were chosen before you knew Him!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ugh, divorce… To quote another great rom com (The Holiday), you will feel the pieces of yourself slowly come back. I get that process, girlfriend. Hold your head high and know you are not an afterthought.

    I appreciate the way your heart shines through your words in this post. This is a struggle extremely close to my heart, and I appreciate your encouraging sentiments.

    Happy Tuesday!


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