Can I ask you a question? When’s the last time you quit something?
Repeating the phrase in your head, this is not worth it or I don’t have anything left!
I cannot be the only one! Someone please raise your hand!
I had a brief moment like this not long ago! Well, not so brief. I tend to stay in my head about some things and this had been building.
I was in a major pit on this particular day and shamed myself the entire day; you know the furious way you slam yourself?! On repeat: “I think I will just quit!!!” Felt like I was backed into a corner and instead of fighting my way out, I not only thought these words. I unfortunately said, “I think I will just quit!” out loud on the phone to someone who just laughed! Yep, laughed and said, “when you’re finished quitting let me know and by the way, that’s probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth.”
I was restless and unsettled! I’m a planner by nature and so to be in a constant state of upheaval is not something I would choose for my life.
I gave up my apartment in mid-March, moved in with a family until June 1 and then house sat through August 5. It was a fantastic time! I was incredibly grateful I had 4.5 months to save and start over come August.
Restless, nevertheless, never quite comfortable!
I thought I would be further along in this journey; the journey from divorce.
I just assumed the road out would only last a couple of years and I would be back on solid, stable ground.
Turns out I was wrong! The road is long and hard. A friend recently told me “It’s a marathon, not a sprint!”
Frustrating, discouraging, and debilitating at times in my head and heart!
I wished I could connect what my heart knew but my head disbelieved was true. My heart knows He knows and yet my head doubts and my logic overrules what my heart KNOWS to be true. (Make sense?)
I got a text from a friend yesterday confirming what I wish I wasn’t.
“And you’re human too. You’re not Wonder Woman!”(This was a blow to my pride)
Sometimes I like to think I’m Wonder Woman and can do it all and can manage all emotions and thoughts and not let them disrupt my life. Oh, if only you could read my mind… You might change your mind about me! The tornado of thoughts, fears, and worries in my head was categorized as an F5.
I was watching Andy Stanley one morning and this quote fit me without question: “What are you telling yourself, that if you were to say it out loud to someone, they would think you’re crazy?” (I actually did say it out loud)
The truth is: my unsettledness over-stepped a boundary.
I can’t believe I actually told a friend I “felt the Lord was calling me away from here!” There is a part of being unsettled I believe The Lord calls us to. It requires us to be ready, alert, and when we hear the whisper, we obey. But I also believe God wants our hearts and minds settled! He doesn’t want the enemy forcing ridiculous thoughts and feelings on us.
We must learn to be content right where we are!
Then I got a text message to the above phrase. It was direct and to the point. Bullet points I might add. Maybe angry bullet points….
The thing is, I needed to stop. Rest. be still. Quiet.
My friend shared, “Your body and mind are SCREAMING for down time and quiet!!!!”
I took my running shoes off… trying to slow down enough to simply be. Needing time to write and read books!
The warning to slow down and be quiet, followed by a meeting to nail down a normal schedule has changed my life. The one thing I couldn’t do was sit long enough and figure it out. Needed some help with this!
The thing is, I’m not going to quit…
I was afraid of the quiet..only because it wasn’t so long ago, the loneliness that engulfed me was almost more than I could bear! I really didn’t want to go back to there!
But God, has shifted in me the need for quiet! I have a friend in California, who I shared some of this with and we’ve been praying over this thing called my life for a week. Every night at 8pm, my reminder goes off and we pray. Between the warning, my calendar nailed down, and this week’s prayer, the shift has begun!
I’m hearing Him speak. I’ve been deaf because of the noise in my head..
Be still and quiet…
Change your schedule to reflect what’s most important and non negotiable.
I need it..you need it.. because once we grasp this truth, our brain slows down and God’s voice whispers, “What hangs in the balance if you quit now?”
Don’t be afraid of the quiet…