I’ve got a confession to make.
For a while now, I’ve been in cruise mode. I’ve had the speed set and have been unwilling to slow down. No need to exit.
Staying in my lane. Eyes straight ahead. Focused.
Doing what I know to do to get through. You know what I mean? I’m exerting so much energy just trying to get my life normal. Let’s face it, I’m not exactly normal!
Two things start to happen when you are in cruise control: You lose your passion and you start responding to texts with too many periods in them.(I’m owning that this is a defense mechanism so I stay in control. It tends to annoy those close to me who think I’m frustrated by my over use of periods!!!!!) It has all become just matter of fact and only on rare occasions do you use exclamation points anymore. You have been in the middle and you want to get to the other side. (Not even recognizing I might already be there!)
Relying on what I already know to keep me stuck and in the same place.
I’m sure you have felt this way. Or are there right now!
Let me interject something here that will make sense later.
I began to pray for friction. For my children. Not for me. I knew that I couldn’t offer the answers they needed and besides as grown men were they really going to listen to me anyway? So, I asked God to bring friction to cause change for them. Friction is the catalyst for change. (I told them this by the way)
I repeat, I did NOT pray this for me. Why would I do that to myself?
It’s like praying for patience. No way was I going to put that on me.
Some things started happening in my life. Some friction..I decided to give notice at my apartment. There was a certain amount of uncertainty of continuing to pay that amount for rent and whether long term it was something I could do. My move out date was March 31. Add to that, I had some things going on at work.
Then a couple of weeks later I was told I would not be getting a contract for next year. SO now, I was without a place to live and now a job. I asked my people their thoughts. They didn’t have any answers, but without doubt begin to pray for me.
There was friction and it just kept rubbing me. It hurt. I was angry. ( This is an appropriate use of a period!) Again, I wasn’t praying this for me!!
If I recall, I may have yelled my Heavenly Father.
After all the yelling, I decided to ask Him about it. I just couldn’t believe this was all happening. So, here is the thing I may or may not have yelled at Him.
“Have I done something here to cause this?”
I mean, I’m not perfect, I sin just like the rest of the world. I hadn’t been living a life of rebellion. I asked a good friend, “Do you see anything at all in my life that would be causing all this?” She responded, “Do you think Job felt like this?” Huh!?! Just maybe he did. Just maybe….
In no way, have I lost as much as Job. But in the moment, I sure felt like I was walking in his shoes.
I’m sure He was like, Toni, let it go! But I was relentless in asking. I cried. I prayed. And I asked until I got an answer.
No, Toni, you haven’t done anything to cause this. In fact, you are in your safe comfortable place. It’s time…to step out. DANG IT!! It was almost like He shouted, “YOU ARE NOT MOVING FAST ENOUGH!”
My little tribe of people who hold me accountable were unwavering.
I ended up moving in with one of my closest friends and her family. I let my oldest child take my dog for awhile. Man, I miss Andy..
Obviously, I started looking for jobs. Relentlessly.( I ended up getting a contract, which I turned down) My mom came during spring break and helped start packing my apartment. (That apartment will always hold a special place in my heart. It is where I learned who I was. What I was made of. Just maybe I was going to make it. )
You see when you are focused straight ahead you miss the exit. The exit to the next adventure God has for you. I think I may have heard a moan? You get this, right?
It’s like heading to Disney World with your kids in the backseat and you miss the exit! Your kids think its the end of the world. The excitement has built up to the momentum of a roller coaster heading down the track!!!
When as the parent, you know all you have to do is take the next exit and make the U-turn.
This is exactly how the Israelites were. They missed the exit for 40 years. They missed because of stuff… stuff like fear, ignorance and disobedience.
I tend to be a big talker. I can certainly tell you the exit you need to take. But because of fear, I had refused to take my exit.
Friction came along and God wasn’t going to let me miss it yet agin. He forced a detour. He needed me to take the exit. He knows me pretty well!
This exit was a detour of peace. You see, even though I wasn’t sure what was next, I knew to stay where I currently was, would be complete disobedience. I worked there 10 years and love the people!! No question! BUT, the fear of being disobedient far out weighed the unsureness of where I would live and where I would work.
I got a new job! I started right after the end of school!
I’m working on building my coaching business! (Fortitude Life Coaching) Then was offered a house sitting gig for the summer, the whole summer! I am as sure that He knows what He’s doing in my life as I am sure the sun will rise!
Listen, I don’t have the answer. Only God knows where He’s leading me. He has been my provider the whole time. I’ve lacked for nothing!
Do I get scared? YES! Do I feel insecure? YES! Do I worry about what will happen come August 4? Of course I do.
But this I do know; HE KNOWS and with that knowledge, along with how I’ve seen Him move in my life, I trust Him. If I had all the clarity and foresight to see ahead, then there is no reason to learn to trust. Trust would be a non issue.
I’ve been very candid with Him about what my heart desires.
I just know taking the exact exit I took, was right. More than right; Obedient right. You will never know the adventure He will lead you on.
DON’T MISS YOUR EXIT……